Dating an emotionally unavailable person
More than likely, it is the person with whom you currently make your life, the one you love with your once most romantic and vulnerable heart.
When the person you wish to feel such closeness to seems withdrawn as the result of a gradual process, perhaps you are only beginning to see what is taking place.
I began to perceive a disconnect that was hurtful to us as a couple, and painful to me as a wife: I frequently didn’t know what was truly on his mind, what motivated him, what touched him.
I was navigating in the dark, worsened by our less than skilled interpersonal communication.
Time may be playing its dirty tricks on the two of you, you may suspect some element of midlife crisis; careful observation, tender probing and intentional rekindling may be required.
But when your partner’s behavior changes quickly, your warning lights go on that something important has occurred – a new worry, a serious problem, perhaps an attraction or involvement with someone else.
In hindsight, I see that only when I had children did my heart begin to flower fully again, with the sort of tenderness and ferocity that we are wakened to by romantic love if we allow, and by parental love, almost as a force beyond our capacity to deny.
What I once saw in the man I married as self-sufficiency and a need for privacy, a respectful distance that enabled me my own, struck me differently over time.
And therein lies the drama for those on the other side – the sense of worthlessness, the emptiness – wondering how much and for how long they can compartmentalize their needs, as they try to exist in the shadows of emotional reserve.
Whatever its causes or reasons, it may be too much to ask for some, and survivable for others.
Although commitment can be a positive thing for most people, there are still certain negative aspects that turn some men away from going all in with a woman.
When the withdrawal of affection and sharing is sudden, it becomes harder to deny that something is amiss.
You may notice the distance in your relationship in due course – in comparison to other couples or in light of some new awareness about yourself.