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• In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole. So one evening he decided to go down and see how things were holding up.• I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident. "I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Much to his surprise, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out. " He said, "She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies, cleans the house and then watches sports TV with me for the rest of the afternoon." I said, "Well, why are you crying? First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant." He said, "For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love with me until the wee hours" I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying? They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can and didn't get tested for diabetes."His wife was quite upset because she wanted him buried in the traditional black suit." Albert's wife smiled at the undertaker. She yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath? I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses."After that," he continued, "it was just a matter of swapping the heads." Three Elderly Sisters Three sisters, ages 92, 94, and 96, live in a house together. Then she yells out, "Was I going up the stairs or down?

One day when playing cards, one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me.

But the parrot starts insulting him and gets really nasty, so the man picks up the parrot and tosses him into the freezer to teach him a lesson. Wrong Color Suit An old lady was very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away. Through her tears she explained that she was upset because her dearest Albert was wearing a black suit, and it was his fervent wish to be buried in a blue suit.

He hears the bird squawking for a few minutes, but all of a sudden the parrot is quiet. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. She went to the undertakers to have one last look at her dearly departed husband. The mortician apologized and explained that traditionally they always put bodies in a black suit, but he'd see what he could arrange.

I know we've been friends a long time, but I just can't think of your name. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her.

For at least three minutes she just stared and glared. " Hard of Hearing Morris, an 82-year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

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