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And it's not just the thought of himself breaking down that mortifies a guy.

It's also the possibility that you'll break down while the two of you discuss an important issue and he won't know how to comfort you.

So if you want a discussion actually to go somewhere, avoid ambushing a guy the second you see him.

Make sure he's had a chance to decompress, whether it's by joking around about something totally unrelated, watching a Robot Chicken rerun, or well, stuffing his face with hot dogs.

"So he keeps things to himself, which makes it impossible for him to participate fully in the relationship." Let's say you describe a fight you're having with a coworker, and your guy doesn't respond.

You think he's zoning out, but it may be that he has weighed the situation in his highly logical mind and is siding with your coworker, not you.

"Often, a man will think that talking could result in his losing more points than he'd gain," says Warren Farrell, Ph D, author of Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say."If he has reassurance that you'll listen and respond more positively than in the past," Farrell says, "he'll feel safe enough to talk." He's Afraid of Being Emotional Think about it: Boys are taught that when they're hurt, they're supposed to simply dust themselves off…without expressing pain.Then when they start dating, women convey that not being emotional is bad.If you get the sense that your guy is afraid of being mushy, there are things you can do. "A woman helps by not giving ultimatums or criticizing him for not being a good communicator," July says."Most guys come around in a relationship.…They just need time." Second, help him along by not only asking the right questions but also asking them the right way.

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"Giving him space is important, then start by asking about his day," July advises.

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