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Human beings are born with strong survival instincts.
One of the strongest is based on an infant’s inability to survive on its own and its complete dependence on an adult for nurturance and protection.
Mary Ainsworth, who assessed children’s attachment patterns at 12 to 18 months, noted that when the children with anxious attachment were reunited with their mothers, they were confused, dazed or agitated; staring off into space and avoiding direct eye contact with her. They remained intensely focused on their mother, but did not seem to be satisfied or comforted.They act in ways that are insensitive and intrusive when they confuse emotional hunger with genuine love for their child.In Compassionate Child-Rearing, Robert Firestone describes how parents mistake their feelings of longing and the desire to get love from their child for actual love and concern for the child’s wellbeing.Attachment theory is the study of this primitive instinct and researchers have organized the various strategies into four categories of attachment patterns: secure attachment and two types of insecure attachment, avoidant attachment and anxious attachment.The fourth attachment category, known as disorganized attachment, occurs when no organized strategy is formed.
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Emotional attunement involves being in harmony first with oneself, then with another and finally with circumstances.