Specifically, I was dating mostly White men who fetishized me, ones who perceived me as this skinny, feminine, submissive Oriental being that they could experiment with and dominate.Additionally, it made me resent my Asianness, in that I would constantly fantasize about how much more fulfilling and exciting dating would be if I was white.Maybe if I was white, I would actually be interested in the guys I pursued.Maybe if I was white, my messages would say “Hey what’s up? ” Maybe if I was white, I would dislike myself a little less.Here are the numbers from 2009–2014 — view each graph below to move through time. While we hope to help daters look beyond appearance and connect on a deeper level, there is an evident trend showing that race is a factor for many individuals, and in a consistent way. The biases shown in this data tell us about how individuals in our society factor in race when interacting with other individuals. Anytime you’re meeting someone new for the first time.This might say more about the cultural biases passed down in our society than individuals within it.. This data forces all of us to examine how others view us and how our own internal racial biases cause us to view others. These biases can extend to any situation that’s similar to a first date. We hope that the next time you’re in one of those situations or are meeting someone new on Ok Cupid, that you are able to think about this data and how it applies to you.
So as a result, I refused to place myself in queer spaces like LGBTQ club meetings or other on-campus events catered to queer people simply because I felt exposed.
Fast-forwarding to the present, I can finally say that I have a healthier relationship with dating, and with myself.
Although I continue to work through my internalized racism and racial biases every single day, my eyes have finally opened up to the beauty, complexity and diversity the queer community has to offer.
Rather than attending that local bar in your neighborhood every Thursday night in search of a partner, partners can be accessed anytime and anywhere you want — an entire dating pool available to you through your handheld device.
And with that convenience comes the privilege of choice.
Search for racial dating:
The other part of it can arguably be placed on my Asianness.