I absolutely adore him and I am very positive it's exactly the other way around too!
That was basically the only thing that kept me long enough with him.
All of this is to say that high emotions and drama can make for good sex, but is it possible you sort of overcorrected and picked someone so safe that he doesn't challenge you or engage you?
Because that's what happened to me and I've heard of it happening to some of my friends and maybe, even though it's hard, you have to examine whether your boyfriend is right for you. You are saying that there are some aspects your boyfriend could change about sex that would make it better for you. Just kind of guide him either during the act or tell him before "I enjoy being touched that way." "I would like to try this."You have to stop thinking about what your ex did and rather what your current boyfriend does or doesn't do and things you could both incorporate into your sex life so you enjoy it more. If you want to try some different things in the bedroom, talk to him!
You bring up those "physical parts" that your bf can't change and you won't have to have sex with him anymore anyway. The way things are right now, either she gets to dump him when she's fed up with being unsatisfied, or stick with him and be unhappy. What are you doing to make your sex life exciting and fulfilling for both of you?
Unless you are someone who needs that then you might have to consider the future. If someone's not attracted to me sexually, and feel like they're settling, I WANT TO KNOW. I also think that you're misinterpreting the high-intensity drama of your ex as "passion" and "intensity", when in reality, your dynamic was toxic, you were desperate to connect with him emotionally, and the only place you felt that way was between the sheets.